Everything Happens Beneficially, Officially

I wrote fondly before of the book I recently finished, Everything Happens for a a Reason, by Mira Kirshenbaum. And I just finished The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure, by Chris Prentiss, who offers a similar perspective on the everything-for-a-reason theme.

First, let me explain why that theme is especially important for me now. Last March, we left our home of 35 years and moved a few miles away, still in Louisville, to a smaller, lower-priced house. The kids are long gone and we both have retired, so a smaller house would mean less upkeep and less expense. The difference in the price between our old home and our new one was to be put away for traveling around the country with our camper. But here we are, seven months later, and our big former home is still on the market. We keep lowering the price and paying the mortgage on the new house (at 7% interest).

Why have our plans gone pffft? I dunno. It's frustrating and demoralizing. Is there a reason for this? God? Karma? I tell myself there is a reason why we are watching our nest egg fall from the tree. Some days, I have trouble convincing myself.

Nevertheless, Prentiss writes in his aforementioned book, "If you believe that God or a Supreme Being of any other name is the cause of everything, and if you believe in the popular conception of a Supreme Being that is all-knowing and all-powerful, it follows that whatever comes from that Supreme Being, such as the Universe itself, has to be perfect as well....

"(W)hatever happens is the best possible event that can happen. If one thing that could happen that was truly bad -- one thing that was imperfect -- so could three, four, five, and more imperfect, bad events happen, which could possibly lead to destruction. But that doesn't happen. The Universe continues to be perfect at every moment....

"Even if an incident hurt me or took something from me, it would always work to my benefit since the Universe will not let anything bad happen to itself, and I am a part of 'itself'."

That explains why my drinking problem, in the long run, was to my benefit. And watching my savings slip away like sand in an hourglass is to my benefit. Somehow. Someday. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Here's Something To Make You Chortle

This has nothing to do with drinking, directly, but it's some fun stuff.

The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend ..... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

 Be Still And Listen: "The Tune Will Come to You at Last"

This blog is sort of a sequel to the book I wrote, Corking the Bottle: A Day-by Day Guide to a Sober Life (https://covenantbooks.com/books/?book=corking-the-bottle), published last summer. The book started as a series of daily blog posts I wrote during the first few years of my sobriety. The purpose is to lead, I hope, someone -- anyone -- to a new and improved life.

Here is a sample, written on Day 19 of my sobriety:

"I grew up as part of a family active in church. There, people told me what to believe. And I did believe. But later, in my adult life, I became disillusioned with formal religion as it was taught to me. In my community relations job, I became painfully aware of basic needs being unmet. It seemed churches didn’t know or else didn’t care about the people living all around them who were struggling to be healthy families. I no longer felt religious, but I still believed in God. What’s up with that?

"It wasn’t until I got into AA that I learned religion and spirituality are different. I can be spiritual: love God, pray, seek to do God’s will, and don’t judge others’ spirituality. I believe there is one God, but how I perceive him is up to me. We choose our own higher power. I had never seen spirituality from this perspective.

"Where you find your higher power doesn’t matter. Just find it!

"One of my favorite books is Awakening in Time by Jacquelyn Small. She writes, 'When we honor the higher power’s principles of love -- of truth, goodness, and beauty -- we are using our energy as a creative positive force, and we feel serene. When we violate its laws of love and wisdom which are in fact our nature, we feel isolated, heavy, uninspired, and out of sorts.... In order to connect with our higher power, we simply need to be still and listen. Our intuition already knows the sound of its voice.'”

 This Money-Making Venture Tells Us We Can Drink Safely

This, from Sunnyside -- Mindful Drinking, came to me via Facebook. Below it, I will tell why we need to stay away from this for-profit business.

"I cut my drinking down by 90% and feel like I’ve found a cheat code. Of course, you know that alcohol is bad for you, but do you really know what gains you’ll see if you start to drink less?

"Changing your drinking habits doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, and you don't need to know what you want your final outcome to be. Not sure if you want to cut back a bit or a lot?

"I promise if you cut back on your alcohol, you may experience the same powerful benefits that I have.... Maybe challenge yourself to take a short break from drinking. Or try only drinking on weekends. Or simply try to cut your consumption in half.

"What helps me stay on track?

"I joined the #1 alcohol moderation app called Sunnyside. They help you track your progress with charts and analytics, read through resources and exercises, and hangout online with an awesome community of people like you who want to cut back.

"So, does it work? Sunnyside members reduce their weekly alcohol consumption by 30% on average after 90 days. For me, I cut back 90%, & the majority of Sunnyside members still drink alcohol.

"It’s truly an alcohol moderation app. This is the new health craze that’s going to blow your mind and help you crush your goals. Sounds crazy, right?

"Think you can do it? Join now and get a 15-day free trial."

AA and the rehab programs I am familiar with teach us there is no returning to alcohol without our addictions taking us over again. I turn once more to The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure by Chris Prentiss. He argues that alcoholism isn't a disease, but a response to some sort of physical or emotional stress. Figure out the stress and have it treated effectively and our addiction will be cured. So I was surprised to read in later chapters that he, too, insists we alcoholics can never drink again. Even a little bit:

"No, you cannot ever use addictive drugs or alcohol again. That means not even one sip of wine, once.... Cure means that you can feel physically and mentally good without the use of addictive drugs or alcohol.... If you start believing that you can drink socially...you're on your way back to dependency."

Sunnyside strikes me as a company making money by telling alcoholics what they would like to hear: A little drink now and then won't hurt you. Do you know of anyone addicted who can later drink safely? I don't. And I'm not willing to test the theory.

 A Cure Is All In Your Head

I don't really know how I recovered from my alcoholism. And yes, I have recovered. I believe. I recognized all the problems I was having that led me to drink too much. When I accepted that God was beside me and had work for me to do, I was able to get well. That's when my world became a better place again for me. I'm not sure whether it was my improved outlook that led me to quit drinking, or whether quitting drinking led to an improved outlook. That isn't important. They both happened and that's all I care about.

Chris Prentiss in The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure stresses the importance of a positive attitude in overcoming addiction, cancer, and any other affliction: "If you have been told and you believe that you have the incurable disease of either alcoholism or addiction or both, throw that belief overboard now. It is a ball and chain that is weighing you down and interfering with your complete recovery. This is your time to take on the belief that you live in a wonderful world, a magical world, a world where suffering people -- not mot just alcoholics and addicts, but everyone, even those afflicted with the most diverse and difficult diseases -- can be healed, and you will be one of them. It is that empowering belief that is foremost in your arsenal of recovery."

 All Addictions Thrive Inside Us, Not Outside

See yesterday's post before reading this. The two go together. The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure goes on to point out that all addictions are within us. Even though the problems that I was having, as explained in the last post, were largely beyond my control, my reaction to them was entirely within me.

"Before reading this, it may have seemed to you that the causes of dependency were actually outside of yourself, but that is not the case. It's easy to see that Cause 1 (Chemical imbalance) and Cause 3 (Beliefs you hold that are inconsistent with what is true) exist within you. In the case of Cause 2 (Unresolved events from the past), those past events live only in your mind, even though you may be faced with the results of those events every day. In Case 4 (Inability to cope with current conditions), while the conditions are outside of you, your inability to cope with them lies within you."

 The Four Causes of Addiction

Chris Prentiss, in The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure (https://www.yelp.com/biz/chris-prentiss-physical-therapy-commack), claims there are just four reasons for abusing alcohol and drugs:

1.    Chemical imbalance

2.    Unresolved events from the past

3.    Beliefs you hold that are inconsistent with what is true

4.    Inability to cope with current conditions

Which is you? My problem was #4. I wrote about it in my book, Corking the Bottle (https://covenantbooks.com/books/?book=corking-the-bottle):

"Then the wheels came off and life spun out of control. I was laid off on the day, almost, of my 50th birthday. Several would-be employers turned me down for jobs, some after interviews and some without responding to my applications. Even fast-food joints weren’t interested in me. I got a part-time job with a crisis communications firm, but it wasn’t the same as the community relations work I had come to enjoy so much. I lived off my 401K and pension and my wife’s income from working the zoo gift shop. Cripes, we used to be making six figures together! Not anymore. 

"My marriage felt strained and intimacy became a fond memory. My older daughter resented the time I was spending as a volunteer with disadvantaged kids and jealously accused me of getting too friendly with little girls. She quit speaking to me. Kids in the youth program I had created grew up and some of them chose to wallow in the ditches I had tried to lead them out of. Some had families and good jobs, but all I could see were the addicts and criminals I had watched grow up. I had arthroscopic knee surgery, which pretty much ended my running career. I started gaining weight. My beard turned white. I denied my depression for a long time before I got help from my doctor. But the mood-altering pills didn’t work well enough. Alcohol worked better.

"My drinking increased. My thoughts were of poor, pitiful me. There seemed to be no solution. The good life was over. My wife was ready to leave me. Good! That would give me another reason to drink."

More later from this interesting book (Prentiss's, I mean).

Seeking the Creator Near a Pond

Here is one more quote I like about finding God in the wonder of his creation. Brian D. McLaren in  A Search for What Is Real says this about discovering a red eft, or newt, in his yard at the age of five. My sisters as kids, along with their friend who many years later became my wife, collected these salamanders and kept them in a terrarium. They are beautiful. The newts, I mean.

"Who can assign a value to those creatures? Who can deny the existence of a Creator when viewing such wonders? Who can help but love these creatures, and in loving them, who can doubt that his or her love wants to reach through and beyond the creatures to their Creator?"

 Act I, Seen 1

A good line, again from The Purpose Driven Life:

"God is far more interested in what you are than in what you do. We are human beings, not human doings."

So, what have you been being lately?

Oh Lord, It's Hard To Be Humble 

No one is better than me at being humble!

Or so I once thought. "Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." (The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren)

Higher up on the page, Warren writes, "You can develop humility in very practical ways: by admitting your weaknesses, by being patient with others' weaknesses, by being open to correction, and by pointing the spotlight on others. Paul advised, 'Live in harmony with each other. Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all.' To the Christians in Philippi he wrote, 'Give more honor to others than to yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.'"