Make a Commitment And Then Elmer's Glue Yourself To It

My friend -- who I have taken to AA meetings, helped get set up in her first apartment, gave a copy of my book to -- texted me yesterday that she has relapsed, lost her job, and doesn't have money to pay the rent. I am devastated.

What follows came to me through Facebook today. I thought it worth sharing. I request of you the same thing this writer asked: Please share your story -- through this blog, at meetings, one on one, etc. Maybe you will help someone like my friend, who is once again lost in the high weeds:

    The Alcoholic Next Door

Today marks 16 years of sobriety! What an amazing journey it has been. 16 years ago today I woke up in a detox facility not remembering how I got there. I can still remember the feeling of relief when I found out where I was. The fight was finally over. I had no idea what to expect or what my life was going to be like sober. All I knew is that I couldn’t go on the way I was living and I made a decision to give this thing called recovery everything that I had. It was time to write my comeback story.

16 years is hard for me to put into perspective. It feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Everything I have in my life today- My wife, my daughter, my family, my friends, my career is because I finally said the three hardest words I ever said- I NEED HELP. Today I am a husband, father, brother, coach, friend and mentor. I have a full life and can’t imagine where I would be today had I not stopped. If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out and ask for help. There is an amazing life waiting for you if you just have the courage to give up and ask for help. If you are one of the fortunate ones that have made it to the other side and are living a great life in sobriety I ask you to please share your story! People that are struggling need to see the possibilities and know that there is hope. I am so grateful that I have been able to impact so many people’s lives simply by being an open book and showing what is possible. You can save a life just by telling your story. What a gift that is!

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 Mindful Drinking App Sounds More Like Mindless Drinking

Lately I've been getting unsolicited sponsored ads on Facebook for Sunnyside -- Mindful Drinking. The premise is we will be better off if we just reduce our alcohol intake. Well, that didn't work for me and it doesn't work for anyone who shares at AA meetings I attend. The only way to stop is to cut out, not cut back. The ads claim:

"Alcohol is a poison, and it literally hurts every part of your health and wellbeing. It might help with anxiety for a bit, but it’s actually responsible for causing MORE anxiety the next day.

"I’m not saying you should quit drinking. That’d be boring, and most people don’t want to stop.

"Instead, challenge yourself to take a short break from drinking. Or try only drinking on weekends. Or simply try to cut your consumption in half.

"How did I do it?

"I joined the #1 alcohol moderation app called Sunnyside. They help you track your progress with charts and analytics, read through resources and exercises, and hangout online with an awesome community of people like you who want to cut back.

"So does it work? Sunnyside members reduce their weekly alcohol consumption by 30% on average after 90 days. And get this… 98% of Sunnyside members still drink alcohol.

"It’s truly an alcohol moderation app. This is the new health craze that’s going to blow your mind and help you crush your goals. Sounds crazy right?"

Right! Finally, something I can agree with. If you can cut back, you're not an alcoholic. That used to be me. Addicted means your brain has been altered so that a little bit of alcohol leads to a little bit more. Then a lot more. This app, which subscribers have to pay for, sounds in-app-propriate to me.

God Could and Would and, For Me, Did

I couldn't have gotten well six years ago if not for Step Two and Three:

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Some AA people say they have or had problems accepting the existence of and grace from a higher power. For me and countless others, Step Two and Three are essential for conquering the demon rum. Here is a post by Bruce Reaves from Recovered Alcoholics group Facebook site:

"God could and would if he were sought

"Not 'understood,' not even 'believed in,' just 'sought.' I was somewhere between agnostic and atheist when I came in. But I could see that SOMETHING was at work in the lives of the sober members of AA, and I decided to seek the help of whatever that was. THAT is God as I understand him. I turned my will and my life over to the care of that undescribable undefinable whatever-it-is and proceeded through the steps. I call it 'my buddy HP.' It's been working for over 40 years now."

Make God your buddy, too.

Make Sobriety Your Best Friend With Benefits

This is from a sponsored post in Facebook that advocates drinking less, but not none. For us alcoholics, less inevitably becomes more and none becomes -- well, none. Here is an excerpt from the ad worth passing along:

"I promise if you cut back on your alcohol, you can experience the same powerful benefits that I have:

Your relationships will improve

You’ll gain confidence immediately

You’ll look you’re (sic) best

Your mental health will skyrocket

Your family will love it

Your sleep/recovery will feel crazy

You’ll cut out brain fog

"Alcohol is a poison, and it literally hurts every part of your health and wellbeing. It might help with anxiety for a bit, but it’s actually responsible for causing MORE anxiety the next day."

I could put a checkmark next to each of these benefits. Furthermore, if I had never developed a drinking problem, I still would have had room to improve on everything on the list. Being an alcoholic isn't all bad. If and when we recover, our inner-us becomes a better-us.

It's Now Or Never -- Or Some Other Day

This was posted in an alcoholics Facebook group by someone named Abi:

“If you're actively over consuming too much alcohol everyday, but want to stop, is it helpful to set a date? I keep telling myself I'm done, then by 6pm I'm drinking again. I have a hard time calling myself an alcoholic.... I've only been "over consuming " for 11 months…. But for now I just have this question.”

Okay, so what’s your answer? Ever set a date for quitting? I think the only date I ever set was “today,” but that didn’t work out so well. Would it work to pick a future date and say that will be the last I drink?

Judging a Christian By Its Cover

 I just spent three days at a cabin in Tennessee with Tom and his wife. He was the best man in my wedding 47 years ago. We keep in occasional contact. This week, we hiked, visited the Museum of the Appalachians, and caught up on each others' lives.

I would label Tom a SuperChristian. He readily shares his faith, and when he talks about someone he usually tells if they are Christian or not. I knew he bought my book on recovering from alcoholism (Corking the Bottle, https://covenantbooks.com/books/?book=corking-the-bottle) and worried that my views on organized religion and spirituality would be offensive to him, and that he wouldn't hesitate to let me know.

To my relief, that didn't happen. He said he read my book, or to be more accurate, his wife read it to him because he has problems with his eyes. He told me he thought the book was good. I explained that admitting my addiction to alcohol was  hard to do, but was necessary to put myself in a position where I can help others.

I've received nothing but support and encouragement from friends, acquaintances, Facebook friends, and Tom. My advice to you is don't be afraid to come out of the closet and admit to drinking while you were hiding in that closet. Yes. I know a woman in AA who admits to hiding in the closet while she drank. Don't be her.