Negative Past, Positive Present: Connect the Dots

We used to send cassette tapes back and forth to family before the birth of cell phones and free long-distance phone calls. I am converting those tapes to digital on my laptop so that our voices from the past can last forever. Cassette tapes deteriorate over time. I'm hearing myself gripe about things that don't matter anymore and that really didn't matter then, either.

That shows me what I used to be like before alcohol took over my life. I think I'm a better person now than I was then as a pre-alcoholic, sober man. Even turning alcoholic can have a purpose in our lives. That's why I'm reading Everything Happens for a Reason, by Mira Kirshenbaum. (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/385817-everything-happens-for-a-reason-finding-the-true-meaning-of-the-events)

"All you need to do is look at what you've got in your life right now that means the most to you. Connect the dots. There's some really tough event that happened a while back.... You know you were needing to become stronger in some way.... There's this wonderful thing in your life right now, even if it's just a possibility. Okay, then. Bad event...becoming stronger...wonderful life right now. Just connect the dots.

"The bad event gave you the strength you need in your foundation to make possible what's wonderful in your life right now."

Alcoholism was an awful milestone in my life. But "everything happens for a reason." Thank you, God, for the strength to turn my life around.

 Mindful Drinking App Sounds More Like Mindless Drinking

Lately I've been getting unsolicited sponsored ads on Facebook for Sunnyside -- Mindful Drinking. The premise is we will be better off if we just reduce our alcohol intake. Well, that didn't work for me and it doesn't work for anyone who shares at AA meetings I attend. The only way to stop is to cut out, not cut back. The ads claim:

"Alcohol is a poison, and it literally hurts every part of your health and wellbeing. It might help with anxiety for a bit, but it’s actually responsible for causing MORE anxiety the next day.

"I’m not saying you should quit drinking. That’d be boring, and most people don’t want to stop.

"Instead, challenge yourself to take a short break from drinking. Or try only drinking on weekends. Or simply try to cut your consumption in half.

"How did I do it?

"I joined the #1 alcohol moderation app called Sunnyside. They help you track your progress with charts and analytics, read through resources and exercises, and hangout online with an awesome community of people like you who want to cut back.

"So does it work? Sunnyside members reduce their weekly alcohol consumption by 30% on average after 90 days. And get this… 98% of Sunnyside members still drink alcohol.

"It’s truly an alcohol moderation app. This is the new health craze that’s going to blow your mind and help you crush your goals. Sounds crazy right?"

Right! Finally, something I can agree with. If you can cut back, you're not an alcoholic. That used to be me. Addicted means your brain has been altered so that a little bit of alcohol leads to a little bit more. Then a lot more. This app, which subscribers have to pay for, sounds in-app-propriate to me.

God Could and Would and, For Me, Did

I couldn't have gotten well six years ago if not for Step Two and Three:

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Some AA people say they have or had problems accepting the existence of and grace from a higher power. For me and countless others, Step Two and Three are essential for conquering the demon rum. Here is a post by Bruce Reaves from Recovered Alcoholics group Facebook site:

"God could and would if he were sought

"Not 'understood,' not even 'believed in,' just 'sought.' I was somewhere between agnostic and atheist when I came in. But I could see that SOMETHING was at work in the lives of the sober members of AA, and I decided to seek the help of whatever that was. THAT is God as I understand him. I turned my will and my life over to the care of that undescribable undefinable whatever-it-is and proceeded through the steps. I call it 'my buddy HP.' It's been working for over 40 years now."

Make God your buddy, too.

 

 I Thought Alcoholics Were Weak, Self-Destructive, Selfish, and Immoral

I never understood addicts -- until I became one. If drinking or drugging is ruining your life, then quit. Just quit.

One blessing of becoming an alcoholic is that it has enabled me to realize what alcoholism is and what it isn't. "Addicts are weak, the myth goes. Weak of mind, weak of character. Or they're willfully self-destructive. Or they're unbearably selfish. They must be. Otherwise they'd stop hurting themselves and hurting others as well, right? 'That's a real mistake that people make,' says senior research psychologist Dennis. 'They think it's about a morality play, a moral shortcoming. That somehow you failed as a person.'"  (Addiction, https://www.tarzanatc.org/resources/hbo-addiction/)

Now I understand that alcoholism isn't a disease for the weak and immoral. Instead, "Any so-called lack of willpower in an addict has been caused by changes in the brain."

I have a mother and mother-in-law, ages 92 and 88. At times, they forget things and show signs of early dementia caused by changes in the brain. Are we to say they are "weak of mind and character" because they get a little grouchy sometimes and don't know what day it is? The brain of the alcoholic is different, just like the brain of the elderly.

I'm sorry I used to be ignorant of these matters. Ironically, I am thankful to my own alcoholism for setting me straight.

They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab, I Said Woof, Woof, Woof

Here's a great idea for people faced with choosing between rehab and keeping their pets. The following article from the Denver Post describes a program working for Colorado and maybe, now or soon, in a city near you:

"Simon Rubick had lost almost everything to decades of alcoholism and drug addiction....   Rubick, who lives in the Denver suburb of Arvada, Colorado, knew he needed help. But first he had to figure out what to do with one of the only sources of unconditional love and support he had left: his beloved German shepherd rescue, Tonks.

"Most residential rehab centers in the United States don’t allow patients to bring their pets along, said Rubick, 51. So when his brother could no longer help care for the dog, Rubick thought he would have to make the excruciating decision to give up Tonks.

"'It basically came down to being able to take care of my dog or being able to take care of myself,' he said.

"Rubick — who has been sober for more than two years and is now an addiction recovery coach — was connected to the group PAWsitive Recovery, which fosters animals while their owners receive treatment for drug and alcohol abuse, and for people dealing with domestic violence or mental health crises.

Simon Rubick, and Tonks (AP Photo/Thomas Peipert)

"'People that are trying to get into recovery sometimes have lost their families, their children, any kind of support system that they have had,' said Serena Saunders, the organization’s program manager. 'You’re not going to compound trauma that you’ve already had by giving up the one thing that hasn’t given up on you, and that’s people’s animals.'

"Saunders founded PAWsitive Recovery in Denver three years ago. Since then, it’s helped more than 180 people and their pets, and Saunders said the group has looked to expand nationally after it became a part of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals International. The organization, whose largest foster network is in Colorado but accepts applications nationwide, is one of just a few programs in the U.S. that cares for the pets of people seeking treatment for substance abuse....

"If not for PAWsitive Recovery, Rubick said he probably would have ended up living on the streets with his dog and trying to figure out recovery on his own. But as it turned out, by being able to keep his rescue dog, Tonks ended up rescuing Rubick, he said.

"'It’s that connection, caring for another creature and having something else care for you the way that animals do,' Rubick said. 'It’s just unconditional, and sometimes that’s one of the things that people in recovery really need to be able to feel.'" (https://www.denverpost.com/2024/09/01/pawsitive-recovery-pets-rehab-foster-animals/)

Check with ASPCA to see if there is a PAWsitive Recovery program near you, or to start your own foster program for dogs and owners in need. See https://www.spcai.org/our-work/pawsitive-recovery

Saunders founded PAWsitive Recovery in Denver three years ago. Since then, it’s helped more than 180 people and their pets, and Saunders said the group has looked to expand nationally after it became a part of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals International. The organization, whose largest foster network is in Colorado but accepts applications nationwide, is one of just a few programs in the U.S. that cares for the pets of people seeking treatment for substance abuse.

 (”https://www.denverpost.com/2024/09/01/pawsitive-recovery-pets-rehab-foster-animals/ )

 Church Is No Museum for Saints

I was taught as a child that only good people get into heaven. Likewise, only good children get gifts from Santa on Christmas. I'm glad I'm not that child anymore. I have discovered God's grace, and what I do doesn't matter. There is no St. Peter at the pearly gates to review my life's works in some big book. Really, that's what I was told. Were you?

"I learned to relate to God on an entirely new basis; not on the basis of my works, or of my righteousness, but on the basis of God's love for me.... That is grace, and that is what makes life worth living.... For it's true you know: Grace changes everything!" (Why Grace Changes Everything, by Chuck Smith. You can read the book for free at https://www.cclakeside.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Why-Grace-Changes-Everything.pdf)

We talked about God's grace at my AA Big Book study group yesterday. Chris said he told his sponsor once that he didn't deserve God's grace. Of course you don't, was the sponsor's reply. "Grace isn't getting what we deserve. If we deserved it, it wouldn't be grace."

Chris added later, "I had a preacher in church who said church isn't a museum for saints; it's a sanctuary for sinners."

I like that. I need to do God's will, not to get into heaven, but out of love and gratitude for God's grace.