But I Thought We All Agreed That Alcoholism Is a Disease

I have said and read for years that alcohol is a disease. But I just started reading The Alcohol and Addiction Cure, by Chris Prentiss, who makes a pretty good case for why alcoholism is not a disease; it's a symptom. Find the cause and you are on your way to wellness. I haven't gotten far into the first chapter and will blog more on the subject as I proceed, but see what you think:

"I can write with complete certainty that alcoholism and addiction are not diseases.... (We) have developed a dependency on them, meaning that we can't permanently discontinue their use without help.

"Alcohol and drugs are not the problems; they are what people are using to help themselves cope with the problems.... When the underlying problems are discovered and cured, the need for alcohol or drugs disappears. (https://passagesmalibu.com/philosophy/the-alcoholism-and-addiction-cure)

I might not get too far on this book or in this blog for the next two weeks. I am filling in daily for absent volunteers at the community ministries food pantry, where I ordinarily only work once a week. And baseball playoffs start. And college and pro football season is heating up. But please continue to tune into this blog. And feel free to post your own comments.

Confused, Lonely, Hurting People Could Use a Hug

In yesterday's post, I wrote about positive interactions with people that make AA such an important part of alcoholics' recovery. Today I am finishing Enjoying God, by S. J. Hill (https://www.sjhillonline.com/) and came across a passage worth passing along to y'all. The book is preachy and heavily Biblical (for my taste, but maybe not yours). But in the last chapter, Hill provides a god-inspired reason why going through our alcoholism can be turned into a good thing. He isn't talking about addiction or AA, but he could be, Read it from the perspective of a person in recovery.

"One of the main reasons we experience the dark night of the soul is so we can relate to others in need.... When you're dealing with confused, lonely, hurting people, you can't touch their hearts with information alone. But when you get real with them and share your own pain, frustration, and feelings of failure, your honesty will motivate them to open up their hearts as well. Out of your own brokenness, you'll be able to impart life to them, because you're sharing a part of yourself and not just something you read in a book. You'll be able to leave them with hope, because the Father walked you through your dark night and took you deeper into His heart than you had ever been before.

"Sometimes all people need is a listening ear and a compassionate response. They need your friendship, a hug, an affirmation, a blessing, or a prayer. As you watch friends and family members pass through their dark night, you'll probably see them respond in some rather immature ways. That's OK. Give them grace. After all, how well did you handle your situation?"

All of which should bring to mind AA's Step Twelve: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

 See God at AA Meetings

Ever been to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? Maybe you are like I was and are afraid to go, not knowing what to expect or how uncomfortable you may be made to feel. Well, I came across this account of what AA meetings are like. It is in A Search for What Is Real by Brian D. McLaren. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Faith-Search-What-Real/dp/031027267X/ref=as_li_ss_tl?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482512494&sr=1-1&keywords=a+search+for+what+is+real+mclaren&linkCode=sl1&tag=mclaren0f-20&linkId=eeb7c29aa85e4afb22bf4c2310956349

"You will better understand this means of experiencing God powerfully if you attend a few meetings with a friend in recovery. At nearly every meeting you will hear a true story from someone whose life has gone out of control due to some form of addiction. This person realized that he was completely powerless over his addiction, and eventually reached 'bottom,' a point where he despaired of his own ability to change his own unmanageable life through his own willpower. At that bottom point, he reached life through his own willpower. At that bottom point, he reached out to God -- a Higher Power outside of himself of whom he admittedly had little understanding -- and in the days, weeks, and months that followed, he found that this outside power was restoring him to sanity. Over time, he learned more about this power. For example, he learned that God was morally good and that part of God's healing process involved not only release from addiction, but release from moral anarchy; the person will tell you about how he engaged in a searching moral inventory, identifying his wrongs and seeking, wherever possible, to make amends to those he had hurt.

"He also learned that this Higher Power cared about others, and so he began to dedicate himself to carrying the message of a caring, restoring God to others in similar pain. In addition, he learned that he would very easily relapse unless he sought to maintain constant conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation and to practice moral discipline in all of his daily affairs.

"Story after story you will hear...you will sense the presence of God. At least I know I have."

Yes, and I have, too, How about you?

 Finding the Creator in His Creation

Kathy and I went camping last weekend in Land Between the Lakes National Recreation Area in western Kentucky. After 35 years of living in Louisville, we finally got over there to explore. We haven't gotten to camp enough during this, our first year of both of us being retired. We had a good time. We saw elk, bison, and deer. Kathy saw a fox and bald eagle.

Better yet, I got to see God in his creation. Nature is important to me and my faith.

"...running water and singing birds can become God's voice, speaking to me of joy and comfort; that thunderheads can shake me and battle me and charge me with the power and majesty of God. That is why I make it a habit to go into the woods and to walk by the streams." (Brian D. McLaren, A Search for What Is Real, https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Faith-Search-What-Real/dp/031027267X/ref=as_li_ss_tl?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482512494&sr=1-1&keywords=a+search+for+what+is+real+mclaren&linkCode=sl1&tag=mclaren0f-20&linkId=eeb7c29aa85e4afb22bf4c2310956349)

I moved to Idaho years ago so that I could live close to the mountains and forests. My daughter moved to Colorado for the same reason. She hikes in the Rockies many weekends throughout the year.

"The Lakota was a true naturist -- lover of Nature. He loved the earth and all things of the earth, the attachment growing with age. The old people came literally to love the soil and they sat or reclined on the ground with a feeling of being close to a mothering power. It was good for the skin to touch the earth and the old people liked to remove their moccasins and walk with bare feet on the sacred earth. Their tipis were built upon the earth and their altars were made of earth. The birds that flew in the air came to rest upon the earth and it was the final abiding place of all things that lived and grew. The soil was soothing, strengthening, cleansing, and healing....

"Kinship with all creatures of the earth, sky, and water was a real and active principle. For the animal and bird world there existed a brotherly feeling that kept the Lakota safe among them and so close did some of the Lakotas come to their feathered and furred friends that in true brotherhood they spoke a common tongue." (Chief Luther Standing Bear, Oglala Sioux)

"And a new day will dawn for those who stand long, and the forest will echo with laughter."  ("Stairway to Heaven," Led Zeppelin)

 All Kinds of Addictions Can Control Our Lives

If I hadn't become addicted to alcohol, I probably would have become addicted to something. I suppose that happened anyway, alcoholism or not. That's the kind of person I guess I am. I need to feel better than I do, and then  I need more to feel more better.

For example, I never used to drink coffee. Now I sometimes drink three cups in the morning, hoping another dose of caffeine will help me feel good. It doesn't, but I do it anyway. Maybe I'm addicted to sports. It was tough last weekend, camping where there was no phone service and so no college or pro football scores. Ugh! I talked to my wife, Kathy, last night about what I perceive as her addiction to scanning sites on her phone for hours at a time, day and night.

Do you find there is something you need to feel good? Coffee and sports aren't going to kill me or land me in jail. I have to be careful about what it is that turns me on. Brian D. McLaren, in A Search for What Is Real: Finding Faith (https://brianmclaren.net/) explained the addiction phenomenon well:

"...even though it hasn't worked so far, we keep doing the same things hoping for different results. Like the proverbial addict, we think more of what's destroying us will finally make us happy -- another drink of prosperity, another dose of power, another shot of pleasure, another bottle of bigger/faster/more, another hit of hurry."

 Just Say Yes to God

There was a time for me when to stop ruining your life with alcohol seemed easy: Just don't do it. Until I was part of the disease, I didn't understand that the brains of alcoholics are different. Just saying no didn't work -- not without a higher power.

"Years ago, the First Lady of the United States challenged the youth of America to 'Just Say No' to drugs as she warned them of the dangers of drug use. When I first heard the expression, I thought, 'Does she really believe that this is all it's going to take to solve our drug problem?' However, in thinking about it further, I realized that this is the same kind of strategy the Church has used for years to try to keep people from sinning. We've told them to 'Just Say No' to illicit sex or alcohol or some other vice. But just saying no alone doesn't work. There must be something more appealing to which a person can say yes. A person must experience something that will offer him a greater pleasure than the allurements of sin....

'Drugs, alcohol, and other worldly pleasures are just demonic counterfeits for what people could experience in God's presence.... Ultimately, the only thing that will liberate the human heart from the slavery of sin is the supreme satisfaction found in God." (Enjoying God by S. J. Hill, https://www.sjhillonline.com/)

I take exception to the author referring to drinking as a sin and demonic. But I do agree that devotion to God is a necessary alternative to drinking. The need for God in our lives is made clear in AA's Twelve Steps:

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Lead Me Not Into Temptation, But No Big Deal If You Do

Lori announced at my AA home group meeting yesterday that she has achieved 60 days of sobriety. (Applause!!!) But she was feeling guilty about a temptation. Her parents were at a funeral and she was in their house alone. She knew her dad took painkillers, and he kept them in his nightstand. She went into the bedroom, opened the drawer, and found a bottle of Xanax. She put it back, but felt bad anyway because she had been tempted.

I told her that being tempted is no sin. Jesus was tempted a bunch of times, but he resisted. No harm, no foul, no penalty. My friend Eddie pointed out that thinking about it isn't a relapse. "Don't beat yourself up. It's not how you fall, but how you get up."

Mark told a story about being told not to think about a pink elephant. No matter what, don't think about a pink elephant. Later, the man asked, "Well, did you think about a pink elephant?" Mark said of course he did. In order not to think about a pink elephant, he had to think about the pink elephant. "It's like thinking about not drinking. If you do that you will be thinking about drinking. Instead, think about what you can do to help others."

Lori needed to think about how she could positively influence others, not about Xanax. Nevertheless, she overcame her temptation to use, and that's all that really counts.

Make a Commitment And Then Elmer's Glue Yourself To It

My friend -- who I have taken to AA meetings, helped get set up in her first apartment, gave a copy of my book to -- texted me yesterday that she has relapsed, lost her job, and doesn't have money to pay the rent. I am devastated.

What follows came to me through Facebook today. I thought it worth sharing. I request of you the same thing this writer asked: Please share your story -- through this blog, at meetings, one on one, etc. Maybe you will help someone like my friend, who is once again lost in the high weeds:

    The Alcoholic Next Door

Today marks 16 years of sobriety! What an amazing journey it has been. 16 years ago today I woke up in a detox facility not remembering how I got there. I can still remember the feeling of relief when I found out where I was. The fight was finally over. I had no idea what to expect or what my life was going to be like sober. All I knew is that I couldn’t go on the way I was living and I made a decision to give this thing called recovery everything that I had. It was time to write my comeback story.

16 years is hard for me to put into perspective. It feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Everything I have in my life today- My wife, my daughter, my family, my friends, my career is because I finally said the three hardest words I ever said- I NEED HELP. Today I am a husband, father, brother, coach, friend and mentor. I have a full life and can’t imagine where I would be today had I not stopped. If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out and ask for help. There is an amazing life waiting for you if you just have the courage to give up and ask for help. If you are one of the fortunate ones that have made it to the other side and are living a great life in sobriety I ask you to please share your story! People that are struggling need to see the possibilities and know that there is hope. I am so grateful that I have been able to impact so many people’s lives simply by being an open book and showing what is possible. You can save a life just by telling your story. What a gift that is!

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It's Hard To See Our Own Selfishness

I was never narcissistic. I'm too good for that.

That was a joke.

Here's what I mean. My latest project during retirement is transposing cassette tapes to digital format so that I can leave our family's voices behind. When I lived far from family, we used to send tapes back and forth instead of writing letters or making, in those days, expensive long-distance phone calls.

One tape had me complaining about decisions I disagreed with being made at work. One of my main responsibilities at this corporate headquarters was writing for the color magazine distributed to shareholders and employees worldwide. I  ranted about our VP requiring us to include a report of the corporate annual meeting in the magazine. I said no one cares about the annual meeting, that whatever story that was bumping was of more interest to our audience. I knew no one would read that story. How dare that VP tell us communicators what to communicate! I knew better than she did. I went on and on recording my displeasure. That was about 40 years ago. A lot has changed since then.

As I gained more experience, I eventually realized that one story was no big deal. It wasn't worth getting worked up over. What made me so sure I knew what readers wanted to read anyway? I guess I believed everyone was interested in the same things as I was. My self-centered brain made me think I knew more after a few years in the business than a long-standing VP.

Self-centeredness was one of the character defects I have been working on the past several years after I became sober. AA meetings and the Twelve Steps have made my self-absorption clear to me. I'm working on that now and probably will for the rest of my life. Overcoming alcoholism has helped me overcome my know-it-all approach to life. I'm still not the master; I'm the student. But I'm getting there.

I can see now that some shareholders and employees might have been interested in the annual meeting story. And if not a single person read that article, so what? It wasn't worth the anxiety to me.  Just because I like coleslaw on my hamburger doesn't mean everyone should. I've learned everyone is different. I should thank God not everyone thinks like I do!

The lesson here is self-centeredness is hard to see in the mirror. Take a step back. Maybe let some time pass. Maybe lots of time! And work the Twelve Steps.

 My Dad's Nod of Approval

I was close to my dad. His love and approval meant everything to me. He attended my baseball games when I was very young, went to my cross-country meets when I was in high school (even though I stunk as a runner), and he read the sports articles I wrote for the newspaper while I was in school.

He died of a heart attack suddenly at age 49. I took Mom to the hospital following the ambulance, but he was gone. When we returned home, my dad's fellow teacher and friend was already at the house. She burst into tears and said words I will never forget: "Your dad was so proud of you!

This story in Enjoying God by S. J. Hill (https://www.sjhillonline.com/) reminded me of that terrible day 45 years ago:

"Several centuries ago a famous European pianist performed a concert before five thousand people in one of the continent's splendid music halls. He played one of his most popular pieces, and when he had finished the audience gave him a thunderous standing ovation. Afterwards, he was asked, 'What did it feel like to receive such applause? Was it the greatest experience you ever had?' The pianist replied, 'I liked the applause, but it wasn't the most important thing to me. After the audience had sat down I noticed my teacher of thirty years sitting in the top corner of the balcony. He looked at me and gave me a nod of approval. That one nod from my master brought me more pleasure than the standing ovation of thousands.'"

One attaboy from my dad was better than any award I ever received. He was my "teacher in the balcony." Who is yours? Is there someone whose approval means the world to you?

Sometimes Positive Events Go Boom! In the Night

I finished reading Everything Happens for a Reason, but before I put the book on the shelf and get down another, here is one more important point to consider:

"We see all the time, but suddenly we see something new and different that pierces us to the core. It feels as dramatic as the difference between the darkness of sleep and the light of awakening.

"It's just that we need something to make us see. And that's why the bad things that happen to us have the power to produce real change in the area of self-acceptance and in every other. Nothing wakes you up and makes you see like an explosion." (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/385817-everything-happens-for-a-reason-finding-the-true-meaning-of-the-events)

I couldn't see my self-centeredness and pride. I needed a dose of humility. Drinking was the "explosion" that opened my eyes. God gave me what I needed. Everything, including addiction, happens for a reason.

 Too Much of a Good Thing Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

Icarus and his father, Daedalus, escaped  imprisonment using wings Daedalus constructed from bird feathers held together with beeswax. Before escaping, Daedalus warned Icarus not to fly too low or the water would soak the feathers, and not to fly too high or the heat would melt the wax. Icarus ignored his father not to fly too close to the sun, causing the beeswax in his wings to melt. Icarus fell from the sky, plunged into the sea, and drowned.

Like Icarus, I flew too high. As I told in my book, Corking the Bottle (https://covenantbooks.com/books/?book=corking-the-bottle):

"I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me and my three kid sisters to love.... We didn’t have much, but we had all we needed. I was a straight-A student.... I won awards. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our local newspaper, The Beaver County Times. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability, so college was totally free. I graduated from Point Park College in Pittsburgh a year early because of college level tests I passed, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother’s hometown of Grove City where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into my newspaper job the day after my last final exam.

"I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where my salary doubled overnight from my journalism job....  We had two splendid daughters (who are still splendid as adults) and enjoyed a close family life, often camping and hiking in the mountains.... I could go on, but I think that’s enough to show I had a Midas touch. If something didn’t work out for me, something better came along."

So can one have too much of a good thing? Yep.

"People who believe they are winners get lazy, self-indulgent, arrogant. They're not good people, not as good as they could be. So when something bad happens, its meaning can be easy to read. They needed a lesson in how important it is to be a good person, with a particular focus on humility." (Everything Happens for a Reason,   (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/385817-everything-happens-for-a-reason-finding-the-true-meaning-of-the-events)

That was me, all right. So when I l got laid off and couldn't find another full-time job, even in the fast-food business, I turned to drinking. My beeswax melted and I crashed into the sea. Too much of a good thing can be destructive. Don't fly too close to the sun.

As the book says, everything happens for a reason. Getting sober, I learned humility and how to be a better person. Now I fly comfortably under the sun and above the sea.

 Negative Past, Positive Present: Connect the Dots

We used to send cassette tapes back and forth to family before the birth of cell phones and free long-distance phone calls. I am converting those tapes to digital on my laptop so that our voices from the past can last forever. Cassette tapes deteriorate over time. I'm hearing myself gripe about things that don't matter anymore and that really didn't matter then, either.

That shows me what I used to be like before alcohol took over my life. I think I'm a better person now than I was then as a pre-alcoholic, sober man. Even turning alcoholic can have a purpose in our lives. That's why I'm reading Everything Happens for a Reason, by Mira Kirshenbaum. (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/385817-everything-happens-for-a-reason-finding-the-true-meaning-of-the-events)

"All you need to do is look at what you've got in your life right now that means the most to you. Connect the dots. There's some really tough event that happened a while back.... You know you were needing to become stronger in some way.... There's this wonderful thing in your life right now, even if it's just a possibility. Okay, then. Bad event...becoming stronger...wonderful life right now. Just connect the dots.

"The bad event gave you the strength you need in your foundation to make possible what's wonderful in your life right now."

Alcoholism was an awful milestone in my life. But "everything happens for a reason." Thank you, God, for the strength to turn my life around.

 Mindful Drinking App Sounds More Like Mindless Drinking

Lately I've been getting unsolicited sponsored ads on Facebook for Sunnyside -- Mindful Drinking. The premise is we will be better off if we just reduce our alcohol intake. Well, that didn't work for me and it doesn't work for anyone who shares at AA meetings I attend. The only way to stop is to cut out, not cut back. The ads claim:

"Alcohol is a poison, and it literally hurts every part of your health and wellbeing. It might help with anxiety for a bit, but it’s actually responsible for causing MORE anxiety the next day.

"I’m not saying you should quit drinking. That’d be boring, and most people don’t want to stop.

"Instead, challenge yourself to take a short break from drinking. Or try only drinking on weekends. Or simply try to cut your consumption in half.

"How did I do it?

"I joined the #1 alcohol moderation app called Sunnyside. They help you track your progress with charts and analytics, read through resources and exercises, and hangout online with an awesome community of people like you who want to cut back.

"So does it work? Sunnyside members reduce their weekly alcohol consumption by 30% on average after 90 days. And get this… 98% of Sunnyside members still drink alcohol.

"It’s truly an alcohol moderation app. This is the new health craze that’s going to blow your mind and help you crush your goals. Sounds crazy right?"

Right! Finally, something I can agree with. If you can cut back, you're not an alcoholic. That used to be me. Addicted means your brain has been altered so that a little bit of alcohol leads to a little bit more. Then a lot more. This app, which subscribers have to pay for, sounds in-app-propriate to me.

God Could and Would and, For Me, Did

I couldn't have gotten well six years ago if not for Step Two and Three:

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Some AA people say they have or had problems accepting the existence of and grace from a higher power. For me and countless others, Step Two and Three are essential for conquering the demon rum. Here is a post by Bruce Reaves from Recovered Alcoholics group Facebook site:

"God could and would if he were sought

"Not 'understood,' not even 'believed in,' just 'sought.' I was somewhere between agnostic and atheist when I came in. But I could see that SOMETHING was at work in the lives of the sober members of AA, and I decided to seek the help of whatever that was. THAT is God as I understand him. I turned my will and my life over to the care of that undescribable undefinable whatever-it-is and proceeded through the steps. I call it 'my buddy HP.' It's been working for over 40 years now."

Make God your buddy, too.