It's Hard To See Our Own Selfishness

I was never narcissistic. I'm too good for that.

That was a joke.

Here's what I mean. My latest project during retirement is transposing cassette tapes to digital format so that I can leave our family's voices behind. When I lived far from family, we used to send tapes back and forth instead of writing letters or making, in those days, expensive long-distance phone calls.

One tape had me complaining about decisions I disagreed with being made at work. One of my main responsibilities at this corporate headquarters was writing for the color magazine distributed to shareholders and employees worldwide. I  ranted about our VP requiring us to include a report of the corporate annual meeting in the magazine. I said no one cares about the annual meeting, that whatever story that was bumping was of more interest to our audience. I knew no one would read that story. How dare that VP tell us communicators what to communicate! I knew better than she did. I went on and on recording my displeasure. That was about 40 years ago. A lot has changed since then.

As I gained more experience, I eventually realized that one story was no big deal. It wasn't worth getting worked up over. What made me so sure I knew what readers wanted to read anyway? I guess I believed everyone was interested in the same things as I was. My self-centered brain made me think I knew more after a few years in the business than a long-standing VP.

Self-centeredness was one of the character defects I have been working on the past several years after I became sober. AA meetings and the Twelve Steps have made my self-absorption clear to me. I'm working on that now and probably will for the rest of my life. Overcoming alcoholism has helped me overcome my know-it-all approach to life. I'm still not the master; I'm the student. But I'm getting there.

I can see now that some shareholders and employees might have been interested in the annual meeting story. And if not a single person read that article, so what? It wasn't worth the anxiety to me.  Just because I like coleslaw on my hamburger doesn't mean everyone should. I've learned everyone is different. I should thank God not everyone thinks like I do!

The lesson here is self-centeredness is hard to see in the mirror. Take a step back. Maybe let some time pass. Maybe lots of time! And work the Twelve Steps.