Just Say Yes to God

There was a time for me when to stop ruining your life with alcohol seemed easy: Just don't do it. Until I was part of the disease, I didn't understand that the brains of alcoholics are different. Just saying no didn't work -- not without a higher power.

"Years ago, the First Lady of the United States challenged the youth of America to 'Just Say No' to drugs as she warned them of the dangers of drug use. When I first heard the expression, I thought, 'Does she really believe that this is all it's going to take to solve our drug problem?' However, in thinking about it further, I realized that this is the same kind of strategy the Church has used for years to try to keep people from sinning. We've told them to 'Just Say No' to illicit sex or alcohol or some other vice. But just saying no alone doesn't work. There must be something more appealing to which a person can say yes. A person must experience something that will offer him a greater pleasure than the allurements of sin....

'Drugs, alcohol, and other worldly pleasures are just demonic counterfeits for what people could experience in God's presence.... Ultimately, the only thing that will liberate the human heart from the slavery of sin is the supreme satisfaction found in God." (Enjoying God by S. J. Hill, https://www.sjhillonline.com/)

I take exception to the author referring to drinking as a sin and demonic. But I do agree that devotion to God is a necessary alternative to drinking. The need for God in our lives is made clear in AA's Twelve Steps:

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Lead Me Not Into Temptation, But No Big Deal If You Do

Lori announced at my AA home group meeting yesterday that she has achieved 60 days of sobriety. (Applause!!!) But she was feeling guilty about a temptation. Her parents were at a funeral and she was in their house alone. She knew her dad took painkillers, and he kept them in his nightstand. She went into the bedroom, opened the drawer, and found a bottle of Xanax. She put it back, but felt bad anyway because she had been tempted.

I told her that being tempted is no sin. Jesus was tempted a bunch of times, but he resisted. No harm, no foul, no penalty. My friend Eddie pointed out that thinking about it isn't a relapse. "Don't beat yourself up. It's not how you fall, but how you get up."

Mark told a story about being told not to think about a pink elephant. No matter what, don't think about a pink elephant. Later, the man asked, "Well, did you think about a pink elephant?" Mark said of course he did. In order not to think about a pink elephant, he had to think about the pink elephant. "It's like thinking about not drinking. If you do that you will be thinking about drinking. Instead, think about what you can do to help others."

Lori needed to think about how she could positively influence others, not about Xanax. Nevertheless, she overcame her temptation to use, and that's all that really counts.

Make a Commitment And Then Elmer's Glue Yourself To It

My friend -- who I have taken to AA meetings, helped get set up in her first apartment, gave a copy of my book to -- texted me yesterday that she has relapsed, lost her job, and doesn't have money to pay the rent. I am devastated.

What follows came to me through Facebook today. I thought it worth sharing. I request of you the same thing this writer asked: Please share your story -- through this blog, at meetings, one on one, etc. Maybe you will help someone like my friend, who is once again lost in the high weeds:

    The Alcoholic Next Door

Today marks 16 years of sobriety! What an amazing journey it has been. 16 years ago today I woke up in a detox facility not remembering how I got there. I can still remember the feeling of relief when I found out where I was. The fight was finally over. I had no idea what to expect or what my life was going to be like sober. All I knew is that I couldn’t go on the way I was living and I made a decision to give this thing called recovery everything that I had. It was time to write my comeback story.

16 years is hard for me to put into perspective. It feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Everything I have in my life today- My wife, my daughter, my family, my friends, my career is because I finally said the three hardest words I ever said- I NEED HELP. Today I am a husband, father, brother, coach, friend and mentor. I have a full life and can’t imagine where I would be today had I not stopped. If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out and ask for help. There is an amazing life waiting for you if you just have the courage to give up and ask for help. If you are one of the fortunate ones that have made it to the other side and are living a great life in sobriety I ask you to please share your story! People that are struggling need to see the possibilities and know that there is hope. I am so grateful that I have been able to impact so many people’s lives simply by being an open book and showing what is possible. You can save a life just by telling your story. What a gift that is!

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It's Hard To See Our Own Selfishness

I was never narcissistic. I'm too good for that.

That was a joke.

Here's what I mean. My latest project during retirement is transposing cassette tapes to digital format so that I can leave our family's voices behind. When I lived far from family, we used to send tapes back and forth instead of writing letters or making, in those days, expensive long-distance phone calls.

One tape had me complaining about decisions I disagreed with being made at work. One of my main responsibilities at this corporate headquarters was writing for the color magazine distributed to shareholders and employees worldwide. I  ranted about our VP requiring us to include a report of the corporate annual meeting in the magazine. I said no one cares about the annual meeting, that whatever story that was bumping was of more interest to our audience. I knew no one would read that story. How dare that VP tell us communicators what to communicate! I knew better than she did. I went on and on recording my displeasure. That was about 40 years ago. A lot has changed since then.

As I gained more experience, I eventually realized that one story was no big deal. It wasn't worth getting worked up over. What made me so sure I knew what readers wanted to read anyway? I guess I believed everyone was interested in the same things as I was. My self-centered brain made me think I knew more after a few years in the business than a long-standing VP.

Self-centeredness was one of the character defects I have been working on the past several years after I became sober. AA meetings and the Twelve Steps have made my self-absorption clear to me. I'm working on that now and probably will for the rest of my life. Overcoming alcoholism has helped me overcome my know-it-all approach to life. I'm still not the master; I'm the student. But I'm getting there.

I can see now that some shareholders and employees might have been interested in the annual meeting story. And if not a single person read that article, so what? It wasn't worth the anxiety to me.  Just because I like coleslaw on my hamburger doesn't mean everyone should. I've learned everyone is different. I should thank God not everyone thinks like I do!

The lesson here is self-centeredness is hard to see in the mirror. Take a step back. Maybe let some time pass. Maybe lots of time! And work the Twelve Steps.

 My Dad's Nod of Approval

I was close to my dad. His love and approval meant everything to me. He attended my baseball games when I was very young, went to my cross-country meets when I was in high school (even though I stunk as a runner), and he read the sports articles I wrote for the newspaper while I was in school.

He died of a heart attack suddenly at age 49. I took Mom to the hospital following the ambulance, but he was gone. When we returned home, my dad's fellow teacher and friend was already at the house. She burst into tears and said words I will never forget: "Your dad was so proud of you!

This story in Enjoying God by S. J. Hill (https://www.sjhillonline.com/) reminded me of that terrible day 45 years ago:

"Several centuries ago a famous European pianist performed a concert before five thousand people in one of the continent's splendid music halls. He played one of his most popular pieces, and when he had finished the audience gave him a thunderous standing ovation. Afterwards, he was asked, 'What did it feel like to receive such applause? Was it the greatest experience you ever had?' The pianist replied, 'I liked the applause, but it wasn't the most important thing to me. After the audience had sat down I noticed my teacher of thirty years sitting in the top corner of the balcony. He looked at me and gave me a nod of approval. That one nod from my master brought me more pleasure than the standing ovation of thousands.'"

One attaboy from my dad was better than any award I ever received. He was my "teacher in the balcony." Who is yours? Is there someone whose approval means the world to you?

Sometimes Positive Events Go Boom! In the Night

I finished reading Everything Happens for a Reason, but before I put the book on the shelf and get down another, here is one more important point to consider:

"We see all the time, but suddenly we see something new and different that pierces us to the core. It feels as dramatic as the difference between the darkness of sleep and the light of awakening.

"It's just that we need something to make us see. And that's why the bad things that happen to us have the power to produce real change in the area of self-acceptance and in every other. Nothing wakes you up and makes you see like an explosion." (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/385817-everything-happens-for-a-reason-finding-the-true-meaning-of-the-events)

I couldn't see my self-centeredness and pride. I needed a dose of humility. Drinking was the "explosion" that opened my eyes. God gave me what I needed. Everything, including addiction, happens for a reason.

 Too Much of a Good Thing Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

Icarus and his father, Daedalus, escaped  imprisonment using wings Daedalus constructed from bird feathers held together with beeswax. Before escaping, Daedalus warned Icarus not to fly too low or the water would soak the feathers, and not to fly too high or the heat would melt the wax. Icarus ignored his father not to fly too close to the sun, causing the beeswax in his wings to melt. Icarus fell from the sky, plunged into the sea, and drowned.

Like Icarus, I flew too high. As I told in my book, Corking the Bottle (https://covenantbooks.com/books/?book=corking-the-bottle):

"I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me and my three kid sisters to love.... We didn’t have much, but we had all we needed. I was a straight-A student.... I won awards. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our local newspaper, The Beaver County Times. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability, so college was totally free. I graduated from Point Park College in Pittsburgh a year early because of college level tests I passed, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother’s hometown of Grove City where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into my newspaper job the day after my last final exam.

"I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where my salary doubled overnight from my journalism job....  We had two splendid daughters (who are still splendid as adults) and enjoyed a close family life, often camping and hiking in the mountains.... I could go on, but I think that’s enough to show I had a Midas touch. If something didn’t work out for me, something better came along."

So can one have too much of a good thing? Yep.

"People who believe they are winners get lazy, self-indulgent, arrogant. They're not good people, not as good as they could be. So when something bad happens, its meaning can be easy to read. They needed a lesson in how important it is to be a good person, with a particular focus on humility." (Everything Happens for a Reason,   (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/385817-everything-happens-for-a-reason-finding-the-true-meaning-of-the-events)

That was me, all right. So when I l got laid off and couldn't find another full-time job, even in the fast-food business, I turned to drinking. My beeswax melted and I crashed into the sea. Too much of a good thing can be destructive. Don't fly too close to the sun.

As the book says, everything happens for a reason. Getting sober, I learned humility and how to be a better person. Now I fly comfortably under the sun and above the sea.