Blame and Shame Are the Name of the Game We Play

I used to be a blaming alcoholic. I later became a convert, changing over to a shaming alcoholic. Which are you? "Neither one" would be the right answer here.

Blaming alcoholics say, "It's not my fault." I blamed the manager who laid me off from my job. I blamed my wife because she discouraged me from spending time with disadvantaged kids. I blamed some of those disadvantaged kids for not choosing the safe, middle-class lifestyle I wanted for them. I blamed my daughters for lack of understanding and support. The list goes on.

When I realized that drinking had become a problem for me because I couldn't stop, I turned into a shaming alcoholic: "It's all my fault." Everything was my fault. I should have tried harder to find a full-time, meaningful job. I was the one bending my own elbow while clasping a vodka bottle. My drinking was causing blackouts. I wasn't raised this way, so what's wrong with me? The list goes on.

The blaming and shaming stopped when I quit being a victim. I attended AA meetings, found a sponsor, worked the 12 Steps, read the Big Book, committed to God, started a blog that turned into a book, helped other addicts.... The list goes on, fortunately.

It all comes down to a half-full/half-empty-glass outlook. "If you want more good in your life, rather than focusing your energy on the problems and obstacles, focus your attention on what's already good, what's working.... Everyone has both challenges and blessings, but focusing your heart's energy on your blessings will make you far happier." (Happy for No Reason, by Marci Shimoff,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dssZXhy3d4)