I Can't Stand to Fall

You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win?
Well look at me, I'm a-coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing, you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing
(Yeah yeah yeah)
I'm still standing
(Yeah yeah yeah)

Those are part of the lyrics of a song recorded by Sir Elton John, my favorite of his many tunes. The words summarize my current state. "Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid." Yeah yeah yeah. That sums up the life of the sober me.

But there's a sad pun here. Two drinks used to make me feel good. So four, I figured, would make me feel twice as good. Makes sense, right? On a good day, I'm still standing. Other days I'm waking up on the floor or a gurney. Blackouts. Memory loss. Falling down and not even remembering.

Choose to be a true survivor, picking up the pieces of your life without drinking on your mind.